Wow.

2:42 pm -
Hard to believe it has been two years since my last post.
Like some kind of quasi-goth, quasi-loser, I'm about to write something dank and gloomy. Blogs can be that way, I suppose...it depends somewhat on the writer. Some people find an electronic journal to be a suitable place to squeal with good news and cute puppies and horseshit. (Ooh, do I detect a bit of hostility?)
Nah, not really.
Envy, perhaps? Whatever.
Things between Duane have resolved. I moved out last November. Someday, when I'm feeling a little more feisty, I will write about that adventure.
I stayed here in California, and continued to teach; I just couldn't leave my students. They meant so much to me.
Times were tough: I had to borrow against my retirement account in order to make ends meet...it's just so insanely overpriced in this region. Nevertheless, I kept plugging along in spite of the continuing saga of The VMB and its beaurocracy and how demoralizing that whole pursuit had been for nearly three years. I coped with my old supervisor kinda quitting/kinda getting fired, and replaced by a coworker who I can only describe as competitive and back-biting.
She got a raise...a rather nice one, I suppose...took month-long trips overseas, went to the massage therapy classroom for her weekly rub-down, while I was lucky if I even got to get any sort of a break.
In January, however, we finally, FINALLY found another instructor. I was elated. We got along famously and for the first time in years, I had a real partner to work with.
In mid-August, however, I was knocked flat on my back by a stunning blow--in a word: "layoff".
Had the plan been all along to replace me? When did my "boss" become aware of this? There were so many tell-tale things along the way--things I tried to brush aside, but couldn't. I mentioned a few of these observations to coworkers I trusted, but they they didn't want to believe it. I tried to dismiss that can't-quite-pin-this-sucky-feeling myself...believe me, it's not my idea of a fine way to spend the day.
August 16 was the afternoon I discovered I was correct in my suspicions...that my "gut" feelings are seldom off-base.
So ends my connection with California.
Come December 1, I will be gone.
There are a few unpleasant little things I must take care of first; plus my lease has to expire. My doctor put me on disability, but I've yet to receive a cent from the good old State of California.
I've come to hate this place in general.
The climate is mostly okay, and it's pretty where I live.
However, the cost of living is an abomination.
But even that is not the Big Reason.
There are too, too many painful memories here.
I was born here and spent most of my life in this state, so I do have a frame of reference.
What bothers me most, I guess, is how ruthless the world can be sometimes.
Oh, I know; it could be worse. I'm lucky I didn't drown in a tsunami. But come on, already! I don't want to measure happiness by distance from natural disasters.
On the bright side, I look forward to being near my kids again.
It's just so difficult to assimilate. After all, I don't know where I'll be living. The future is vaporous and foggy.
I'm trapped in a one-room, $1100.00 a month cell.
But really.
I will write again when I'm feeling a bit more chipper.
I used to be such a person.
Surely it hasn't been snuffed out...I'm just a bit muffled.